tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
this boner is exhausting
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
