we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
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