We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
