Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
you would pick up someone in the library
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
