I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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