my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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