Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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