Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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