Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
