Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
