I accidentally had phone sex last night
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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