stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
