yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
