talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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