So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
