so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
