when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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