More tranny stories later!
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I am naked and annoyed.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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