I wish I could teleport
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
