Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
pop tarts are not kleenex
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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