and you said cock pushups were impossible
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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