Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
There's a naked man in my car right now.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You did what with his pubic hair?
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