After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
