just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
