He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
