if you like me you must not know who I am
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
