My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
