How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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