I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
And then he peed in my hair
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