I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
