It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
