I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
My ass is underappreciated
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
