:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
