im drinking this country out of the recession.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
