i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
