fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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