just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
