tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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