You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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