I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
