His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
