Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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