They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
