careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
