When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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