they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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