Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I am available for nakedness
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
