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Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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