Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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