I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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