We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
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You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
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Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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