you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
