come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Come on in and take your pants off
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