Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
