You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
