The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
