my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
