It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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