I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
false alarm. still invincible.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
