ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
