As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Bring me that man meat
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
