I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
