My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
