first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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